


Sometimes it's what you need

by EnemyMine



Series: Wants, needs and realities [1]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Episode Related, Episode: s03e23 Hiatus Part I, Episode: s03e24 Hiatus Part II, Episode: s04e01 Shalom, Episode: s04e02 Escaped, M/M, POV Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 05:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnemyMine/pseuds/EnemyMine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You do what you have to do for family."</p><p>It was the unspoken rule. The one, which was a given.<br/>No matter what.<br/>No matter where.<br/>No matter when. </p><p>... but for how long?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes it's what you need

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic for me to actually publish apart from something obscure way back when MySpace was cool. Please be kind.  
> English is my second language and I'm still considering myself in the learning stages.
> 
> With Michael Weatherly's recent announcement of his imminent departure from NCIS this little internal disscussion, I have written about 2 years ago, became somewhat current again.  
> What might have been Tony's thought process during the time Gibbs came running from the Mexican beach to help Ziva out? What could have been Tony's motivations for staying? What if he had decided to leave for Rota?
> 
> Warning:  
> There will be slash! Nothing graphic though.  
> But if it offends you sensibilities for whatever reasons don't blame me! You have been warned!

# Sometimes it's what you need

"You do what you have to do for family."

It was the unspoken rule. The one, which was a given.  
No matter what.  
No matter where.  
No matter when. 

Family. Always a matter of definition.  
One was born into one which should not work according to a social laws. Moving a lot, parents absent through work, grandparents with weird ideas about education, sibling rivalry, too little money. But at the end they loved each member and were loved in return and were therefore able to make this life their own.  
The other was born with the proverbial silver-spoon in his mouth. Mansion, servants, private schools. But ended up alone and disowned on a whim and had to struggle to make do.  
Another one lost one parent and siblings and was drilled for revenge from birth by the other parent. Looking for love their whole life, disappointed time and time again, finally ending up alone and destroyed.  
A fourth adopted into a home were love was abound. But still they would never lose the fear of losing those they love.  
Again another raised cosmopolitan and gave back in age to those not as lucky as they were.  
The sixth had all wishes fulfilled and had it all taken away and despite trying to rebuild what was lost, had never been able to really give it their all again.

So many variations.  
Anthony DiNozzo junior, called Tony, had probably seen every kind on this planet by now. But the most import to him was the one family, that had formed from all the described types. It was the only one that mattered at the end of the day. The one, he not only could rely on. No, it was the one, he had to rely on. His family was his team and if it stopped working, it was a matter of life and death.

It had not been too long ago, when - if the others would have been asked to describe their positions in this family - he would have been pegged as the goofy older brother. The living comic relief, but reliable in watching the younger siblings and help the parents.  
But then Gibbs had gotten blown up and exchanged his memory for Swiss cheese and everything had gone south pretty fast. Literally.

Gibbs, the father figure for Abby, McGee and even Ziva, left them all for a Mexican Siesta. And suddenly Tony was pushed into the role of the step dad. Although the beloved kind, he faced critique every step of the way. He simply was not Dad, but he couldn't help but behaving like him. The coffee, the casual clothing with the polo shirts, the methods of listening into the talks of his team.

Didn't hurt that this look was practical in pretending to be Professor DiNardo. But the rest of the whole thing... Nicely put: Debatable. But without Gibbs there, Tony had no leverage for a debate. Especially since at first the op seemed pretty solid. Get in via the daughter, have her interested in you, a couple of dates, meet the parents, give the signal, take out target.  
But now he was in. The daughter turned out pretty nice. And pretty innocent. She didn't have a clue what Daddy Dearest did to earn his living. Tony came to the point, where he would normally end the mission. Get out, before the woman got hurt too badly. And before he got too involved.

Another thing, he missed Gibbs for. Not only would have this op never started if the former Marine had been there, no if Gibbs was there right now, he would pull the plug on the thing. One look at his backup plan and he would be going postal. Tony himself would, if he could afford it. But as he said, leverage.  
Currently the director held all the aces. Especially after the stunt, Ziva pulled. Not that the kids realized, that they were used as pieces in this game.

But Gibbs was not there. He was packing up his house and put up the sign. His hard-ass boss was quitting. And Tony could not fault him for it. Well, not entirely.  
Getting blown up, having your brains scrambled, having to relive the worst memories of your past, as if they just had happened, then being forced into a fast recovery to prevent tragedy, only to witness how the big brass decided to let tragedy strike nonetheless.

Things that would not have happened, if Morrow had been still director. Tony was sure about that. Tom Morrow was as much a hard-ass as Gibbs himself. Which is why they had worked so well. Back then the director had been the director. He had given out orders and had expected them to be followed. Gibbs had toed the line and had taught Tony to do just the same from day one. The had all known the rules and how to make them work in their favor. Director Sheppard, Jenny, did not even play by the same rulebook.  
The first female director of a federal agency sure had to have used tactics unknown to their male counterparts, so she could stay on top. But in the meantime she had forgotten what she had initially wanted there. Or so it seemed. Her constant interference in field work, her going solo on some of them and there for risking to shot them to hell, not to mention her personal vested interest in a certain agent.  
By the agency rulebook, the official regulations and the code of conduct, she should never even try to get back into Gibbs' pants. Not because of the things better left in the past, but because of the simple matter of her being Gibbs' boss. Not that anyone could suspect Gibbs ever doing something like that against his will of for anything but his own pleasure.  
It was one thing to silently bend Gibbs' rules or to work around agency regulations, but a line has to be drawn somewhere. And openly pursuing your subordinate and having an agency wide betting pool on the subject - not cool. So not cool.

No, Tom Morrow had been the better director. It's why Homeland Security had come and snatched him away. He had seen the work and had it handled effectively, while trusting his agents to do it right. Jenny always needed to know, always needed to meddle, always wanted to be involved.  
Like with this turning SNAFU op.  
There didn't seem to be a reason for NCIS involvement with an international arms dealer, but if there was, Morrow would have put a full team on the mission. Someone to continuously running background on all the players they might encounter. At least two to take turns at surveillance and backup around the clock. With a full Team Gibbs that would be no problem whatsoever.  
Another thing: The man inside would be inside and not working full schedule investigating crime scenes. Too easy to get made that way. Jeanne needed only ever to hear him getting a call from dispatch. A co-worker or friend of hers needed only to spot him while bagging and tagging somewhere. The Frog, curious about his daughters new love interest, would only have someone to follow him for a day. One day and he would be so made. After all, the car might be in DiNardo's name and he might have a cell phone and some fake online job. But DiNozzo still slept in his own apartment and drove to the Navy Yard every single day. One single day. And his only backup was a prearranged phone signal to the director.

Tony shuddered. He needed to get out of this op. It would end badly. No matter how nice Jeanne was. It was not real. She knew Anthony DiNardo, not Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. And no matter how legit the investigation into her father by NCIS was, he was Rene Benoit and had disposed of his opponents for less than protection of his family.  
No, Jeanne deserved a chance at real happiness and Tony deserved a chance at continued survival.

Now, how to put a stop to all of this and still keep his family as intact as it now could be. Tony was not Gibbs, he did not have the leverage to prevent interference on team level. With his years and contacts, he could make do. Save his own ass and get the hell out of Dodge. Fornell's offer and door was open and he was only the one, the team knew about. No, there were standing offers from FBI, CGIS - but really, the Coast Guard! - CIA and Homeland - one of the things Tom Morrow had done on the first day on the new job. Tony had contacts into the NSA too.  
But he really liked solving crimes. He could not imagine running after terrorists for the rest of his professional life.

Also leaving the team was not an option. Gibbs had it entrusted to him. They built this team together, the kids still needed its structure.  
Abby would never be okay without at least one of them around - she barely was with one missing.  
McGee only just managed to exist outside of his MMORPGs, but he was still to much geek to be on another team, where the leader would demand more social skills from an agent who was in the field for two years now. Tony had been promoted to Senior Field Agent after just one year, but then he had years on the force to show for. But normally a promotion followed after two to three years. Kate would have been eligible had she lived. Gibbs and Tony had already talked about that, when the older man had stopped by to look for his agent on sick leave.  
Ziva - well, she had only now proven that she didn't trust Tony inexplicitly in matters of personal importance. On the job she was professional, if a bit sloppy and easy to fly off the handle without the threat of Gibbs' headslaps. Despite that there was no doubt, that she would simply not work with anyone else. After a year she still had barely adapted to being an investigator - no matter what she told herself - and she fell back into the ingrained habit of acting like an operative too easily. And then there was the legal matter. Ziva David, daughter of Eli, was Mossad. Technically she had no authority whatsoever on US soil. And she had no US security clearance, which was a bureaucratic hell no one would volunteeringly want to burden themselves with. Team Gibbs had not been given the choice and between the esteemed leader and his second, they had learned to dance on the red tape tightrope without limiting the rest of the team in its actions.  
No, without Tony here, Ziva would needed to be send back to Israel. And there was no telling if the next op would not get her dead.

Ducky would make do, but then he had nothing else but his demented mother to look forward to otherwise. No matter how nonchalant he was about that. But losing Gibbs and Tony - the grandfather of the team sure would contemplate the amount of emotions he would invest from then on.

No, if Tony left, the team would fall apart. Maybe it still would, when the kids realized, that Gibbs truly would not come back.

Family was a weird thing. Typically you didn't get to chose it. Even if it was a structure build instead of being born.  
Tony would have never thought of finding his family at NCIS. It was a means to an end, when he joined. Okay, so he was intrigued too. Gibbs had a fascinating personality and having a lab producing results overnight was a revelation. And their puzzles to be solved. Tony loved puzzles. But the position at NCIS had been first and foremost a job in a time, when he desperately had needed a new one. Only Gibbs had not allowed that view to remain long. If Tony would have thought of this as a job for longer than a couple of weeks, he would have put on his wandering shoes again.  
He had these moments, when he thought about transferring somewhere else or even taking another job in another city on the police force again. When Wendy left him and took away his dreams of his own family, white picket fence and all. When Vivian nearly got them all killed in Spain, because she was just so unwilling to learn from him. When Kate started this reverse sexism thing she had going. It was okay for her to be totally sexist about men, but how dare he having an actual sexual life! Oh, it was totally okay for her to do more than teasing, when he had tongued that woman, who turned out to be not quite there yet. And Pacci's killer on top of it. But how dare he, pushing her wet-T-shirt contest picture in her face. Yeah, he liked her. Yes, he still missed her. She had been like a teenage sister, who did not yet really knew if she would turn out naughty or nice. But she had driven him insane at times. But for her to stay with him, when he had been infected with the plague, he would always hold her in highest regards. He would have given his life, if it brought her back.

But Kate was dead. And he had never thought about putting on his wandering shoes ever again. Gibbs had turned into a wounded Grizzly and Tony was needed to protect the kids from his sharp claws and teeth. Ziva was too naughty for McGee to stand a chance, if there was no balancing force by goof-ball Tony. Abby would have fallen apart, if she would have lost him too.  
He stayed, because he was the wildcard in this family. He was the glue. Different things for different people.

But now, he thought about it again. Tony was always honest with himself, which was the reason he hid himself so damn well. Gibbs would be the only one making him stay this time. But Gibbs was the only one, who was not available for the task right now. Only his words, when he left him in charge. "They are your team now."  
He tried. Damn it! He tried. But they wouldn't let him. And the director using them and Gibbs' words as leverage against him. His team. His family.  
And honestly, he really wanted to have his moment to grief too!

Abby had all these pictures up on every monitor, eating too much junk food and was generally an insufferable, spoilt brat. A beloved daughter, who missed her father. And everyone let her.  
McGee was a bit schizophrenic about the whole thing. It was this "bullied geek looking for someone strong to save him"-thing. Professionally he accepted Tony's lead, called him boss and all that. But honestly, he was not Senior Field Agent, did not have the responsibility of one. He only played in the big boy's sandbox. On some level he must be aware of that, which is why he ganged up with Ziva more and more. He took her lead on everything not strictly work-related, making her the big dog in the yard.  
Which, coming to the Ninja assassin, proved to become fatal. Ziva fell back into the habit of only following her own lead in the absence of Gibbs. McGee following her like a loveable little puppy only strengthened her belief in the truth of the matter, that she alone knew what was right.  
Proof, the SNAFU that had been her being framed. Happened to the best of them from time to time. Tony would know a thing or two about that, but Tony had trusted his team leader to set things straight again. Ziva had not even tried to contact him. No she had run to Gibbs instead. To a guy on a Mexican beach, who was not available for real action for some very precious hours, in which Tony could have had McGee pull CCTV footage and hack FBI's database. Could have Abby run her own forensics - there is always some leftover traces to be had on a processed crime scene. Tony could have talked to his contacts at Homeland about foreign activities in the Tri-State-Area. They could have done so many things. But no. Ziva ran and hid at Gibbs' place, and wasn't it cute how conveniently Fornell distracted Slacks from the fact, that there was currently a build-in safe house in NCIS' MCRT. Not that Ziva ever realized that little bit. Or Gibbs with his scrambled brain.  
Really hiding out at Casa di Gibbs! Any ten Dollar motel would have been less obvious. And technically better equipped.

But Gibbs had a scrambled brain and obviously a debt to pay. Not too mention this deep seated psychological need to keep his "daughters" save, that was used against him time and time again. Ari anyone? Which was now well explained, since they all had been briefed about the biggest tragedy in the former Marine's life.  
Ziva had been Ari's handler. She knew exactly where and how to push Gibbs' buttons. Not to forget the year she had worked with the man and had the opportunity to study him better than any other operative of any service ever had the chance.  
Something was not kosher there, if someone asked Tony. But no one did, so he kept these thoughts to himself. For now.

Tony had known about Shannon and Kelly. Had known for years. It was not like it was a deeply hidden secret. It was not hidden at all. Gibbs only just didn't talk about it, but that didn't make it confidential.  
As the former Marine had done a background check on the former Baltimore Homicide Detective, Tony had done his homework too. No problem to turn on the computer and take a look in the personnel file of Leroy Jethro Gibbs. All cases Gibbs had ever worked were mentioned by case number. Some were not accessible due to their sensitive nature and Tony had not put his foot there. Personal information was sparse, but it was really very simple to follow the edits. Ex-wife number three was still current when he looked into the file, divorces two and one had been edited out. No way to miss the fact that before that marriage the status was listed as widowed. A fast look into the obituaries gave away two females with the surname Gibbs. Easy to make the connection there. One death could be illness or accidental, two were a tragedy and tragedies always had files somewhere. With Gibbs being a Marine the case file was with NCIS. Cold case. No problem at all to take a look at one of those for an investigator.  
Tony was relatively certain, that Gibbs had already made sure, that the case was closed. Despite the official status. He had time enough between his return stateside and joining NIS. This was Gibbs!

Of course the kids had not known. Gibbs left and then came the next shock. However sympathizing Abs and Tim might have been, they did not understand the implications. For Gibbs it felt like he had lost his girls all over again just a couple of weeks ago. Like back then, when he was blown up directly after getting the news and landed in a 19 days coma. He woke up this time in the same state as then. Grieving and lost. Only this time he had also to live with the returning memories of fifteen years in-between. Which only added guilt and embarrassment to the mix. After all, he had been married three more times to Shannon look-a-likes.  
These were things you did not just shook off within days. Any other guy would have been in therapy for years after that. Gibbs decided to run from the place of his memories and to drown himself in some Mexican brew at the beach until he could muster the will to live again.  
Gibbs would never stay down there forever. It was the type of man Franks was, not Gibbs. Franks could get drunk daily and do otherwise nothing for the rest of his life, but Gibbs would need to do something. Building boats, hot tubs, repairing roofs could only keep you occupied for so long. As hands-on as the former Marine was, he needed something more intellectual too.  
Another thing the kids did not understand. Yes, Gibbs was currently packing up his house, and boy, did that thought hurt Tony, but he would come back one day. Only he would not be the boss anymore - if it didn't happen within the next week or so at least. Yes, Tony knew, that he was only temporarily promoted to Team Leader until Gibbs' prolonged leave of absence had run its course and the retirement package would needed to irrevocably be filed.  
Well, Tony was officially promoted. He had the years and the experience and now he had the team and the pay-grade, as well as security clearance. Should Gibbs return today, he would be reinstated in his old position without question, while Tony would have to answer at least one. Would he want to stay and serve again as Gibbs' second? Demotion would be appearances only. Back to the old desk, but nothing else. Not that the kids and grandfather needed to know that little tidbit.  
But it was probable for him to receive orders to lead his own team. Positions were opening up in Japan and Spain within the next couple of weeks. Considering his knowledge of the Spanish language it was not hard to figure out. And that was not him being cocky. It was simple math. He was leading the major team of the agency right now and he was doing a very good job at it. The closure rate had not dropped despite all problems of the team to adapt to the new power structure. No open rebellion was going on and the little insubordinations were manageable and more importantly solvable as soon as this week was over. One way or the other. So, he would be offered his own team. If he wasn't that would be a political slight of the director, that would leave her with a black mark, she couldn't afford. Even if she didn't really would want him to ship out. He was after all her pawn in this undercover op.

If this was before he had left for the security conference in Germany, he would have said, he would never take a promotion to Spain. But right now, he was considering it. He would not actively seek the transfer, but if it was offered, he was not so sure, he wanted to stay.  
Yes, his team now. Yes, Ducky was disappointed. Yes, the kids needed him. But sometime it was not giving them, what they wanted, but what they needed. What if they all needed a change of scenery?

McGee simply did not shape up to become Senior Field Agent anytime soon, despite Tony's best efforts. Maybe he needed a new perspective. He was their computer specialist. NCIS had a whole division in the subbasement for things like that. McGee could go far there, even having his own little team of nerds. Which considering the younger man's ambitions would look far better in his file than staying Junior Agent much longer. This would only have people think about what might be wrong with him. But climbing the ladder in another division, another field of experience, that could make him director one day.

Abby was older than she looked and than she made people believe she was. She was older than Tony, but behaved like a spoilt teenager. And honestly, she had been hopelessly indulged by Gibbs and the rest of the team. Her temper tantrums were stuff of legends. But she was a forensic scientist of excellent reputation. Who was not able to give testimony in court without being prepared for it every single time.  
There was no way to climb for her within NCIS. She was the head of the lab. Headhunters were calling her regularly and she always declined. But the time would come, when laboratories would stop trying to hire a woman, who as brilliant as she was at science, simply was unable to grow up and take responsibility for herself. Time would come, when NCIS would try to make the next big step to play with the big boys in the alphabet soup, to gain recognition like the FBI always did. It simply was a matter of gaining funds. And then NCIS would not be able to justify a Head of Forensics, who refused working with people because she did not like them or who had to be reminded to wear her simply suit to court. Who testified in a murder case with expressions like "the vic got whacked", or very noticeably still in Tony's mind even after all these years: "Got popped and turned Popsicle...."  
Maybe it was time no Gibbs and no Tony held her back, when the headhunters called again. Maybe she needed a stricter protocol to follow, where Caff-Pow would not be allowed in the lab and hand-delivered by the boss at least once a day and hugging would become a matter of after-work activities.

And Ziva.... She would not stay if Gibbs did not come back. Tony didn't doubt that for one second. The way she behaved, when this rogue operative had framed her for terrorism, was enough prove for that. Even Gibbs had for one moment questioned his ability to lead the team, when she had refused to go to him. And that was a big no-no in both of their books.  
No, if Ziva didn't leave because of her trust issues, Tony would have her moved because of his. You just couldn't trust her to follow orders, to obey the chain of command. And then was there the question of her loyalties. She was Mossad and daughter of its director. Her half-brother had been Hamas. Or so they were led to believe. Tony was not so sure about that. He had read Gibbs' report of Ari's death over and over again, he knew the basement and something didn't add up. For one there was no autopsy report, even though it had practically been mandatory. Then the body had been flown to Israel within hours after the fact. To hush-hush for a clean kill was Tony's opinion.  
Then the fact that Ziva had returned and Gibbs didn't protest her being placed on his team. He always protested. Every Probie, TAD and trainee who had made it on his team for even a day - and some had quit that fast - had been fought hard over. Tony would know. He had spent month convincing Gibbs about McGee. The MCRT was called Team Gibbs for a reason.  
Only Ziva had been accepted without question. That could not be kosher. Gibbs come rushing to her aid from Mexico was another piece of evidence in that direction. Gibbs must have owed her. And since the only encounter that could have invoked a debt, had been the aftermath of Kate's death, that left Ari in a certain basement. Everything else Tony had been there for, had her under surveillance. But he had been on his way to Indiana already, when Ari took his last breath. He may have majored in Phys. Ed. but he was able to do the simple math.  
The debt was paid. And on top of everything he political implications of someone like her in an active position like that had become known and more importantly discussed with the higher ups. Without Gibbs she would not have a future on the MCRT.  
Two scenarios became more likely with every minute that passed.  
A) She would be sent back to Israel at once. Back to being a Mossad operative, she either ended up killed in action, imprisoned for life or making a career within the service's system.  
B) She was allowed to stay at NCIS, but would be relegated to true liaison duties with the Middle East desk. Either way she would no longer have access to court sensitive material or matters of confidentiality. No more carrying a weapon or working in the field of any kind. And surely surveillance placed on her for the rest of her limited time in the USA. Limited it would be either way. The moment she stopped bringing in results, she would be deported back to Israel.

No, it was better for it coming from the team leader. Make her angry at him personally, to make the separation easier. To give her the impression of choice which path to follow. Whatever father complex she had going, she could still have her contact with Gibbs, still connect with Tim or Abs this way.

If Gibbs returned in time, nothing would really change. Depending on the status of the older man's memory it could even get worse for a while. He would try to overcompensate at any rate when it came to the women. With the trauma of losing his girls so fresh in his mind again.  
Then there was no saying, what he truly remembered about procedure and his own demands and the expectations others had towards him. How well could he connect with his agents, if he could not remember in detail when, how and why he had hired them? Gibbs was a driven by his gut, which was fed by experience and prior observations. If he didn't remember that Tony's frat boy act was exactly that and why that had started, then Tony would have to check himself into a hospital very soon because of a concussion syndrome.  
Gibbs would be gruff and grumpy and second B to the extreme to the males around him and especially nice to the females. He would not dare to try and correct behavior between the agents for a while, since he would not be sure which kind was considered normal. He would correct Tony though, since he would be held to the higher standards of a Senior Field Agent and the one having more time in with Gibbs. Which both would serve the one negative goal of having insubordination running roughshod on the current team leader.  
And herein lay Tony's dilemma. Should he stay and suffer through all of that for an indeterminable amount of time until things would normalize? Or should he go and leave the team floundering under the wrath of an insufferable Gibbs who would drive his agents into despair and then finally into insanity and away?

Not to mention the personal component.  
Tony's road to Washington had been long and rocky. From his fucked up childhood, with drunken parents, Louis XVI furniture and sailor suits until his mother's untimely death, then being ignored and forgotten by his father, finally disowned with twelve and sent to Military Academy, to putting himself through college on a sports scholarship, playing ball while doing his best in his studies. Losing his dream of going pro because of a broken leg, then finding his new calling while having to make the toughest choice of saving one kid while giving up on the other. Academy, Peoria, no perspective so the change of scenery to Philadelphia. Then having to run quite literally for his life. His track record with mob bosses was just a bit too good. He took down another one in Baltimore. But there it had been his own partner making it impossible for him to stay.

Gibbs had been his saving grace. The only one he could realistically turn to. Another department in another city was not an option. People would have wondered what kind of damaged good he was if he didn't tell on Danny. If he did, they would not trust him. No cop was trusted if he turned his partner over to IA.  
A federal agency was simply the only option. And Gibbs was his only contact to one. It helped, that they had simply clicked. Working with Gibbs was not as bad as all these spineless newbies made it out to be. The man had a great sense of humor and was absolutely reliable. Of course he would work you like a horse until he was relative certain you knew the basics well enough to be weened. After that he would expect you to be able to anticipate. It really was quite simple. Learn procedure, watch and listen closely and then do it yourself. And never be to shy about it, if you were not quite sure you had done the right thing. No problem in asking for forgiveness. But YOU had to ask. If you got caught red-handed in trying to obfuscate, then you were out of luck.

Tony understood that mentality and he also needed that kind of structure. And he genuinely liked Gibbs from the moment he was proven to be officially likeable, meaning not the scumbag he tried to pass himself off for. Not the kind of "like" like with Vivian at the end or with Jeffrey White. The kind of which said, that he'd rather never saw or heard of them again.  
When Wendy had left him without explanation the night before the wedding was about to take place, Gibbs had turned out to be his life line. It had been the former Marine who had answered his call at zero dark thirty and had sat with him and a bottle of Jack until he was nicely knocked out and unable to think for a while. It also had been Gibbs to take care of the guests and everything. Luckily it had been supposed to be just a small affair. A nightmare it was nonetheless.  
It had also been Gibbs, when the presents had to be sent back. And when Tony decided he didn't want to afford the apartment he had shared with his ex-fiancee anymore and needed a hand and a truck to move his stuff to the death trap building, he stayed in for the next two years. When his boiler blew, he took it as a sign and moved to greener pastures. Again with the help of a certain silver haired fox, as Abby once called him.

Normally people tended to compare Gibbs to his mentor or even father. Tony understood how they could get that idea. With the gray hair the age difference seemed much worse than it actually was. And since Tony had been not even thirty when he joined NCIS, he just needed to be taught, right?  
That was the preconception they let them all believe, including the team. Two leaders on equal footing would have only confused them. But Gibbs and Tony had been partners from the start, despite the initial difference in rank and experiences of the federal kind. Then came the kids and they fell into the rhythm they had until Gibbs got blown up.  
But still they would meet after hours for a beer and a cowboy steak, to discuss their cases and their team, but those would be surprised if they knew how amicably Gibbs and Tony could sit together and talk about everything and nothing. But then most thought Gibbs only ever grunted, grumbled, gazed and shouted. 

Not that there were not glitches. Like right now. They had a lot of that. Practically once every single day for some years now. It was one thing to suddenly be thrust into playing the role of step dad. A whole different thing to actually be it.  
Because that was Tony's role within this dysfunctional family. He was not really Abby's and Tim's older brother, he was the more socially able boyfriend of Daddy Dearest. Only the original plan had said that the kids and everybody else were not to know that little tidbit for some more years. Once Gibbs had reached his twenty year mark, nobody would dare insinuating force was being used and dole out punishment. Twelve more years and Gibbs would have been forced out off the field, the ultimate reason for retirement.  
Twelve more years of playing hide and seek about his sexuality and relationship status and of absolute meaningless dating, just to keep the gossip mongers quiet.

Gibbs was it for Tony. He would have never thought, this would happen with a man and especially not with the gruff Marine. But after a lot of struggling, he now was able to admit it freely.  
Of course he had struggled. Despite his bisexuality, he had not felt that part of himself for some time. Maybe it was being a cop. You better did not turn out to be anything other but purely hetero in the force or one day your backup would arrive just one minute too late. Maybe it had been the hazing during college. Although his frat brothers had been mostly cool about that, when they discovered that little fact. "Spanky" was a result of that. He never left his door unlocked after that. And he really shouldn't have told that story to Gibbs. Being reminded of it, while desperately trying not to die, had been pure torture. On the other hand, it had been sweet of Gibbs to underhandedly remind him, that more than just his boss waited for him to recover.

They had started, when his rat infested apartment had needed to be fumigated just after the whole debacle in Spain, which spiraled into the whole building and ten days without a roof over his head. After the second night at the office, Gibbs had ordered him home with him. They caught three fast and heavy cases of life and death in succession, barely slept for a week, solved them all and where sent home on a prolonged weekend by the director. Somehow in their tired, befuddled brains, they had managed to each take a shower and then to collapse on the same bed. Pretty much naked. Upon awaking, they hadn't been able to stop themselves.  
Two days of doing the wild were followed by one in which it was decided, that it had not ever happened. Because it just couldn't. 

But it had.  
They both could not stop thinking about it. They both did the best they could, to divert their attention to something else. Someone else. Gibbs met this mysterious redhead with the convertible, and they seemed to go pretty steady for a while. Tony however jumped from date to date, fluttered like a butterfly from delicate flower to delicate flower and gained the reputation he had now.  
Then they met Kate and she was even more reason not to talk about it. But they just couldn't stop the signs. Subtle things, a touch, a look, a shared memory.  
Then the boiler blew. And in the end, after their victim turned murderer with a bomb and profiler Kate had come to face the fact, that no matter who lost they look, you can't just look into their soul, Tony made his way to Casa di Gibbs again. 

Two and a half years later and Casa di Gibbs soon would be no more. Once Gibbs had moved his stuff into storage and run back to a Mexican sunset, they too would be no more. No matter what "They" were. But Tony would not sit around and wait for Gibbs to come back.  
It was one thing to wait for "it" while your were in close proximity and couldn't follow through because of that damn regulations and the fact, that the military still kind of reacted allergic to anything not heterosexual.  
Their plan had been simple. Keep it to themselves and keep their minds open. Gibbs wanted Tony to have his chance at finding the woman for the white picket fence and the 2.3 kids. He didn't want him to look back at one time and have regrets for giving that up for his surly boss.  
Tony wanted to convince Gibbs by staying steadfast. Yes, they could not be open about their relationship. They could not move in with each other and spent all their vacations together. But he would not run. Yes, he dated the same as Gibbs. But his heart belong to the former Marine. And once he was retired no one could force the regulations upon them. Because Tony leaving the team simply was not an option either.

But now Gibbs was running. He remembered. Tony was sure about that. And he run from it.  
Kind of understandable too. Losing is wife and child once was bad enough, feeling like having just lost them again and then starting to remember how you did the dirty with your male subordinate in their house. After you already tried the repeated redhead marriage thing.  
Yes, the guilt was strong with this one.

Yes, Gibbs would return too. One day he would have sorted through his resurfaced memories, his guilt and embarrassment and then he would come back, because Gibbs was not one to just run and hide.  
Tony could not wait for this to happen. No matter how much he loved Gibbs, he had to see, how to live his life the best way possible. Without Gibbs there to remind him daily, why he suffered through the heartbreak, there was no reason to hold unto it.  
Tony had not yet openly dated men, but he would slowly start now. Get the team, the co-workers used to the idea of a not so straight boss. Maybe he would find his happiness then. He only knew he could not do so with Gibbs, when he was enjoying Tequila and shared war stories with Mike Franks in Baha.

Sometimes it was not about what they all wanted. It was, what they needed. Tony needed a little more hope. Rota suddenly didn't sound too bad.


End file.
